You remember that one time where I said I would do basically anything to be a vampire. I feel like I need to elaborate on that and get you all on my side. (Ohhh lordy, here we go kids.) First off I should say that to get into my inner circle you will be asked one question “If given the opportunity, would you turn into a vampire?” Anyone that says yes is automatically in. If you say no but have some valid reason (not that one actually exists) then I might still let you in. But if you scoff off the question and say that is stupid, well you just got yourself a one way ticket out of the Bouchery.
Before I get a bunch of scathing or “rational” emails about how being a vampire would be bad or that the question is stupid because vampires don’t exist, lets look at the facts.
- Vampires are badass. Super speed, strength, and senses. Can’t see anything wrong with that.
- Vampires are typically very good looking. Have you seen Kate Beckinsale in Underworld? (point well made, sir.)
- Vampires are totes loaded. They live forever and don’t really buy food (which in my home would save a TON of money) so they can amass a fortune.
Yes, I understand that vampires can’t go out in the day (Twilight is some bull) but in all honesty, who needs the sun? If you are a vamp with heightened senses you can see perfectly in the dark so NBD. That being said, Whit has made me promise that if I somehow am able to become a vampire I am not allowed to turn her. She would rather die than not be able to eat butter. Her loss. (clearly, I have my priorities straight.)
Even though my dreams of being a vampire are probably never going to come true I can still have a drink that kinda makes me feel like I am (trust me it only looks like its bloody). You didn’t actually think the only drink I made with blood oranges was a gin cocktail. No way. I definitely made one with whiskey. This one is basically a slightly modified Old Fashioned, but using blood oranges and blood orange bitters instead of oranges or angostura bitters. I hope all of you closet wannabe vampires enjoy.