PMS Cookies

The PMS around these parts is running so thick that even I am shocked with the things flying out of my mouth.  Now that’s saying something. Usually it takes some pretty ridonk things to shock me.  Poor Brian is living with a modern day Cybil.

He’s all “How was your day, honey?”

“It was fine, if you consider being in meetings ALL DAY fine, while a semi truck full of flying daggers crashes through your uterus.  That sounds fine, right? So yea, it was fine.

He says “Oh, you’re not feelin’ good?  Did you take your bra off yet?”

“A bra removal is not going to fix the the Auschwitz level harvest happening to my eggs right now, Brian. But thank you for reminding me that it’s six pm and I am still wearing this death trap of a titty harness.  Also, let me remind you that if I had taken my bra off, you and the rest of the tri-state area would have noticed that. Thank you.”

…. “Are you crying?”

“I’m really sorry I made Jewish reference about my uterus. That was so ugly. Do you know what else is ugly?  My heart. It’s black and dying because it’s my time.”

He pulls out the chocolate chips.  I put a handful in my mouth and continue to cry.  Then we silently move through the kitchen, both of us completely aware of what needs to happen without saying a word.  We are making PMS cookies.


He pulls the butter from the fridge and I grab the brown sugar.  He turns the oven on and I take off my bra.

We make PMS cookies, which are just brown butter chocolate chip cookies that you make in a muffin tin.  Why? Because there is not a cookie big enough to satisfy a girl going through the rage fest that is her time.  He knows not to ask questions, but just to load the muffin tin as full as it allows.  He pours me a glass of wine and he rubs my shoulders while I measure the flour.  It gets everywhere, and he knows he’s the one cleaning that shit up.


I cry even more because he knows exactly what to do. When the cookies are done, I apologize for being a wretch and tears stream my face while cookie crumbs simultaneous fly out of my mouth.  I feel overwhelmed with gratefulness as well as horror at what I must look like right now. So I eat another PMS cookie, clearly.

Should you find yourself in a similar situation, I implore you to keep butter and chocolate chips on hand at. all. times.


PMS Cookies

By Whitney, January 9, 2013

PMS Cookies



Preheat the oven to 350.  Spray a muffin tin with nonstick spray.  Heat the butter in a skillet until it is melted and just starting to brown, remove from the burner and set aside.  In a mixing bowl, combine the sugars, vanilla and egg.  Mix well.  Slowly add the butter while mixing.  Once the mixture is combined, add the flour, baking soda, and salt.  Finally, add the chocolate chips just until combined.  Fill the muffin tins with the cookie dough 3/4 of the way up the pan.  Bake for 10 minutes, remove and allow to cool in the pan.




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About Whitney

Whitney is the Founder of Whit's Amuse Bouche, a nationally recognized food and humor blog. When she's not in the kitchen, you can find her with a glass of california cabernet in one hand and a hot glue gun in the other. She prefers sweat pants to real ones. View all posts by Whitney →

22 Responses to PMS Cookies

  1. Oh my, our ovaries are perfectly timed! I am just taking some more butter out to make these tonight….chocolate can only help…..I mean, it can’t hurt, right?

  2. It’s nice to know I am not the only raging PMS Queen out there. As I sat reading this, it was like reading my own life story. It made me laugh. Sorry not really at your expense because I share in you pain. Eat those PMS cookies!

  3. These are in the oven right now! Can’t wait! Hubby wanted something sweet, and I have been craving these since I read your hilarious post! Thanks!

  4. I made these, and I didn’t have PMS! However, 10 minutes was absolutely not enough time for these to bake in my oven, and our oven runs hot. I ended up pulling them out after 10 minutes. They’re not cooked in the center, but they’re still tasty.

    • Hi Tasha, sorry your cookies were undercooked! Did you let them sit in the pan for about 20 minutes while they cooled? This keeps the cooking process going and allows the cookies to firm up, that is about how long I waited before pulling them from the pan. If that doesn’t work, of course just add more cook time, but I like my cookies really gooey. :)

      • I think they sat in the pan for about an hour before I took them out. When I took them out of the oven, they looked more like yours, but when I took them out of the pan later, they had sinkholes in the center. Still delicious, but I probably can’t share them with my pregnant sister.

  5. These sound amazing! My poor Fiance cringes every time he knows it’s that time! Can I just put all white sugar (I don’t have any brown sugar) or does it have to have brown sugar?

    Nicole Gribble says: March 5, 2013 at 12:28 am
  6. Never mind my comment above – my fiancee made a special trip to the store to buy brown sugar for me :) I think reading about your husband helping you make PMS cookies helped inspire him :p

    Nicole Gribble says: March 5, 2013 at 9:10 am
    • :) Next time, if you have molasses, just add a teaspoon to the white sugar until the consistency is right. All brown sugar is, is white sugar and molasses!

  7. Well I don’t have PMS anymore (thank God), but these sounded so simple I thought I would give them a try. They are in the oven now. It’s been 10 minutes and they still look pretty raw…..was I suppose to use mini muffin pans?…or Is it suppose to make just 12 large muffins. I added 3 more minutes of baking time. Let me go check them. Ok they look good…need to let them cool before the taste test!


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