I had a sayo-nar-nar party for my girlfriend, Summer, this weekend. I took the opportunity to tell her what I really thought of her, too. I told her how grateful I was for the constant salt quotient of my skin, told her I really appreciated the line of sweat through my t-shirts underneath my boobs, and that I would truly miss her early sunrise which caused my cats to wake up, thus waking me up, entirely too early.
I told Summer, in the most polite way possible, to shove it. Because Summer and her boyfriend, Global Warming, they have overstayed their welcome. Have you ever met a couple that just brings out the worst in one another? Summer and GW are so that couple. They are constantly accelerating each others bad traits. Summer gets hot and testy, GW comes in and makes her a sweltering. It’s like, don’t you know when to talk a partner down? When I get upset, Brian knows that he needs to pull out the red wine, tell a joke and remind me that my hair is pretty today. Crisis averted. I guess I just don’t understand how you could be such an oblivious spouse to not know when you are just adding to the problem.
So anyway, at this party, I told her when she comes to visit next year, she’s staying at someone else’s. I can’t handle her temper.
I made one final attempt at cooling her off, but I can assure you, after the conversation we had last week, she’s gone until next year.
I know what you’re wondering? How did I cool her down after months of her sweltering attitude?
Mango Coconut Ice Cream, is how.
- mangoes - 3 cups, pureed
- coconut milk - 1 1/2 cups
- heavy cream - 1/2 cup
- lime juice - 1 tablespoon
- fresh nutmeg - a pinch